3+ day, 1+ hour ago   (534+ words) A WOMAN whose boyfriend is sulking and refusing to speak to her is actually treating it as a lovely break from his wittering. Following a row, Tom Booker has barely spoken to Nikki Hollis for two days, failing to anticipate…...

3+ day, 22+ hour ago   (585+ words) DRINKING liquid so hot it is steaming and hurts to swallow has negative effects on the human body, shocked researchers have found. A six-year study into whether liquid that would scald skin if poured directly onto it could do any…...

4+ day, 1+ hour ago   (456+ words) A MAN in his early 50s has thrown his back out during an otherwise routine session of self-abuse, he has confirmed. Homeworker Joshua Hudson of Winchester was cracking one out during his lunch break, in order to provide himself with motivation…...

4+ day, 23+ hour ago   (505+ words) A MAN has been left confused by his wife turning down intercourse on the basis of not being ‘in the mood’, which is not an issue he has experienced. Nathan Muir says the odd idea came up when he asked…...

6+ day, 2+ hour ago   (517+ words) A MIDDLE-CLASS couple are still reeling after an electrician working on their home off-handedly compared the two luxury holidays he has so far taken this year. Martin and Donna Bishop were speechless after Wayne Hayes mentioned how much more beautiful…...

1+ week, 1+ day ago   (639+ words) Aries, March 21st–April 19th “Let me correct the record.” [starts painting Tipp-Ex all over a seven-inch of Elvis Presley’s Hound Dog] Taurus, April 20th–May 20th Fair play to Magritte for managing to capture the exact moment before the apple hit that bloke in…...

1+ week, 3+ day ago   (448+ words) SCOTTISH people from the higher social classes are inherently amusing due to their nasal accents and other factors, experts have announced. Research by the Institute for Studies concluded that it was normal to laugh uncontrollably at their ostentatious kilt-wearing and…...

1+ week, 3+ day ago   (450+ words) Thanks to multiple heatwaves making everyone strip down to shorts and bikinis, the Met Office believes the summer of 2026 was a steamy orgy unprecedented in this country. Meteorologist Martin Bishop said: “Shagging was up by a concerning two point eight…...

2+ week, 1+ day ago   (485+ words) Aries, March 21st–April 19th They say Elvis died on the toilet. But in another way, the toilet was where he truly lived. Taurus, April 20th–May 20th Happy birthday to my best friend’s beautiful fiancée who smells great and I like to hug…...